Sadly, I feel my chance to play the ultimate role is past me, which is one dream I may just have to let go of. Sad though that may be, there are other roles that are just as challenging, if not more so. Keeping your options open and expectations low (while not diminishing your enthusiasm or ambition) may not always give you want you want, but does tend to give you what you need.
So today I went and auditioned for the show. How I did is something I try not to think too much about. Too many times I find myself being hyper-critical of my performance. This only got worse after a few times directing shows, so now I prefer to withdraw from judging at all. Mind you, as easy as that is to say, when it comes to Hamlet, it is hard not to get hopeful, expectant, excited and a little judgmental.
I find that I am having to remind myself that the quality of my performance, technically, is only one of many aspects to consider. If I was absolutely dreadful, then it counts for everything. If I was good to great, then I have to factor in what the director is looking for, how many others are auditioning, how old they may be, or the general appearance of the cast that forms in the director's mind. Let's face it, it may simply come down to that fact that I was taller (or not) than some other guy and therefor had more of the look (or not) that the director was looking for.
So many of this things are beyond my control. Nothing I could do will change them necessarily. It may be simple chance (or luck if you prefer) that lands me a role, or not. Telling myself this usually works, except when it comes to Hamlet...
Do I think I will be offered a part? Considering the often poor turn out of men in Perth Local theatre, more than likely I will. Will I be offered a role I would prefer? Possibly not. Is that a reflection on me? Marginally if anything. And so the mantra goes.
If you are auditioning (or have just done so) for this or any other show, let me just say Chookas to you all. May you get the role you want, and if not, the role you need.